My Captain
by ValenceKiller
Summary: After coming so close to losing Jim, Spock is reluctant to let him out of his sight for too long. However, Jim Kirk shows a remarkable aptitude for getting himself in trouble.
1. Chapter 1

"No." Jim Kirk stood with his feet planted firmly apart, fury blazing. "Absolutely not. I refuse."

"Captain, be logical." Spock attempted to reason with him, but the flush in his captain's cheeks conveyed his fury, even to the inexperienced Vulcan.

"_No_, Spock," Jim snapped, his fists clenching by his sides. "You are _not_ coming with me and that's final!"

"Jim, for God's sake man, see sense," Bones growled from his chair. "You were dead a week ago, now you want to go down to a potentially hostile planet alone? Spock is the best bet to come with you, if something happens-"

"Nothing will happen!" Jim whined, wanting to punch something and just resisting the urge to stamp his foot like a child. Spock raised one eyebrow and Jim fell silent, knowing that he could never argue against both of them.

"God_dammit_," he swore. "I'll take Spock if it'll keep you guys happy."

"We do not accompany you for our happiness," Spock said dryly. "It is for your own safety that we-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever Spock," Kirk grumbled. "Let's just get going, okay?" Spock inclined his head and silently fell into step behind his captain as Jim stormed out of the room. Despite the fight Kirk had put up about bringing his first in command along with him, Spock was glad to spend time again with his friend, and he knew Kirk would warm to the idea. Since the incident with Khan, Spock had been reluctant to let Jim out of his sight for too long.

"Spock, you're gonna enjoy this weekend," Jim said over his shoulder, beginning to rethink his plans. "There's so much I wanna show you."

"My job is to make sure you are healthy," Spock repeated, but Jim cut him off.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun doing it!" His blue eyes gleamed as he began his planning and Spock felt a warm rush as he watched Kirk's face light up. "I'll take you to all my favourite places, it'll be a blast." Spock's lips twitched and Jim smiled, feeling rather than seeing the not-quite-smile on his friend's face.

"Are we leaving immediately, Captain?" Spock asked, keeping his voice a cool neutral. "I'll call the transport room and have them-"

"No, we'll take a shuttle." Jim was practically bouncing on his heels in mounting excitement. "We'll do it the old-fashioned way." Spock looked uncertain, his hand hovering over his communicator.

"Captain, I am not sure you are fit to fly in your present condition."

"Spock, I'm fine." Jim spun around and started when he found that Spock was much closer behind him than he thought, bringing them almost nose to nose. "Trust me." His voice was lower and he looked into Spock's eyes, bright blue and dancing with life. Spock swallowed hard, his breathing suddenly restricted by an unknown force.

"You are the Captain," he conceded after a moment, unwilling to admit that he wanted to see more of that fire in Jim's eyes.

"Damn right." Kirk grinned and spun away, giving Spock a split second to catch his breath before chasing after him towards the shuttle bay. Jim took off at a run, skidding around corners and bumping into yeomans, so that Spock was forced to run after him, his long limbs easily making up the ground on Jim.

"Captain, this is not advisable," he said as Jim tried to speed up and overtake him. "Your body may not be capable yet of this physical exertion, remember that-"

"Yeah Spock, I haven't forgotten," Jim snapped, abruptly drawing to a halt so that Spock skidded on the floor in a most inelegant way. "It's all anyone talks to me about now."

"My apologies." Spock inclined his head slightly. "Let us commence our journey then."

"Thanks." Jim flashed him a quick smile, looking almost shy. Spock kept his face carefully expressionless but he felt like he might burst.

"Jim, I-"

"Later Spock." Jim was off again, darting around the next corner. "We have a long shuttle ride ahead of us!" Spock ground his teeth but gave chase, secretly thanking the universe for throwing the two of them together.


	2. Chapter 2

"Captain, this planet is…" Spock trailed off, lost for words.

"Yeah, it's something, isn't it?" Kirk smiled, tilting his head back to let the sunshine warm his face. "We came here once on a training expedition, it's been the place I go to when I take shore leave ever since." Spock stood still, breathing in the fresh air with his eyes closed, drinking in information with his other senses. Jim moved closer, his eyes scanning for what Spock couldn't see.

"Jim." Kirk flinched, not realising that Spock had opened his eyes yet. "This planet is populated with primitive tribes who are shown to be hostile."

"Sure, but we're armed." Patting his phaser for emphasis, Jim looked around for familiar landmarks. "We can take any number of them with their spears and their rocks. C'mon Spock, this way." He took off across the meadow with what he thought were long, powerful strides, though as usual Spock caught up with him without much effort. Pretty soon, Jim was panting with the effort to keep up and Spock immediately slowed, his heart racing in his own private panic.

"Captain-"

"I'm fine." Kirk reached out a hand and rested against a tree, panting to get his breath back. Spock stayed close, his eyes searching the distance for possible threats.

"Dammit," Kirk wheezed. "Maybe you were right. I am pushing myself." Spock very nearly rolled his eyes at this admission but controlled himself in time.

"It would then be logical to stay here," he informed his panting captain. "Until you are feeling stronger perhaps." Kirk answered by sliding down the tree until he hit the ground, his head tilted right the way back to get enough oxygen. Spock sat delicately down nearby, folding his long limbs so that he sat cross-legged, listening to Jim's rasping breaths slowly improve.

"Are you well now, Captain?" he asked once Kirk's breathing returned to normal.

"What happened to Jim?" Kirk asked, ignoring the question.

"You are the captain of the Enterprise, it is proper that I refer to you with the respect you have earned."

"But on the ship, you were going to say something. You called me Jim." Spock could feel the ice blue gaze on him, questioning, probing him, and forced himself to meet that gaze.

"Forgive me captain, I spoke out of turn." He could feel his cheeks heating and knew he was displaying the tell-tale greenish tinge that betrayed his thoughts, and knew that only a Vulcan would pick up on it. Or James bloody Kirk.

"Hm." Jim decided not to question it, and instead stretched his arms up above his head. "Well, we're off duty now. Call me what you like, I promise not to report you."

"Yes Capt… I mean, Jim." Spock's ears turned green but Jim pretended not to notice, looking over across the river on their left.

"This is my favourite place in the whole galaxy," he murmured, his eyes taking on a faraway look. Spock felt safe to study Jim's face now, watching the myriad of emotions that flickered across his face unchecked. Jim glanced over, unnerved by how intently he was being watched.

"What?"

"Nothing Captain, I was merely concerned after your trouble breathing earlier."

"It's fine Spock, I was just out of breath." Spock nodded and they returned to a comfortable silence, each man lost to his own thoughts.

"There was nowhere like this on Vulcan," Spock said suddenly, surprising himself with his sudden urge to talk. Jim glanced at him and nodded his permission to continue. "Vulcan was dust and rock. I thought I had liked it as a child but seeing this now, I must admit that my opinions are challenged." Jim laughed and nudged Spock affectionately. Spock glanced at his arm where Jim had touched him but found that he didn't mind so much.

"I hated places like this when I was a kid," Jim admitted. "Too quiet. I still wouldn't want to spend too long here."

"No." Spock cocked his head again, eying Jim. "You wouldn't. You were made to be amongst the stars."

"Yeah?" Jim leaned slightly towards Spock so that their shoulders rested lightly against one another. "I was made for that stuff huh?"

"Precisely, Captain." Spock's lips twitched and Jim returned the look with a beaming grin. "You are… Like the sun, Captain. I am afraid to look at you but I could not live without you." Jim's body tensed and Spock did the same, not wanting to lean away from Jim but not entirely comfortable either.

"Spock, don't say that," Jim protested quietly. "You could live without me, sure you could." Spock looked away, unwilling to argue. "You did, didn't you? You took Khan down all by yourself, when I was…"

"Captain." Spock's tone was clipped and he shifted away from Kirk. Jim looked confused, missing the warmth of Spock's shoulder, but the Vulcan had turned away from him now. "Captain, I do not wish… I-It is painful for me…"

"I know Spock." Jim wished he could comfort Spock somehow, hold his arm or touch him but he knew that his first officer wouldn't appreciate that. "But I saw… Spock, you showed me… Well, not you, the older you… I saw in another universe…" He broke off suddenly with a scream of agony. Spock spun around and found himself faced with a bloody spear protruding from Jim's thigh. Jim drew in a pained breath, his hands shaking.

"Spock, we…"

"…Were careless," Spock hissed, flipping open his communicator. "Spock to Enterprise, come in-" He was cut off by a war cry and an arrow whizzing just above his head. Jim winced, having flinched and sent waves of pain through his wounded leg.

"Spock, I can't move," Jim groaned, perspiration beading on his forehead. Spock glanced down at Jim and wrenched his phaser out of his belt, teeth gritted and heart pounding. Blood was dripping from the shaft stuck in his captain's flesh and Spock's heart twisted painfully.

"I'll cover you, Captain," Spock growled, firing blindly in the direction that the arrow had come from.

"Don't waste the power," Jim said hoarsely, trying to concentrate on working the shaft out of his leg. It was excruciating; despite his best efforts, he couldn't help but whimper and moan with each movement of the wood through his flesh. Spock's face twitched in sympathy but his gaze was trained firmly on the surrounding forest, searching for any movement.

"Jim, don't." Spock risked a glance over to see what Jim was doing. "If you remove that then there will be nothing to stop the blood flow."

"But it hurts Spock," Jim whispered and Spock's heart felt like it had contracted and burst. He gripped the communicator so tight his knuckles turned white and spat his words into it.

"Spock to Enterprise, beam us up immediately. We are under attack, the captain is injured. We must retreat." His sharp eyes caught a movement and he spun to fire. The movement stopped just as quickly as it had begun, with a grunt that echoed through the forest.

"Shouldn't have done that," Jim breathed, his face white.

"I do not care," Spock spat out. "I would destroy every single-"

The white energy beam surrounded the two of them before he had a chance to finish his sentence, their atoms separating and flowing around each other as they were transported back onto the ship, their shuttle completely abandoned.


	3. Chapter 3

Spock sat in his quarters, clenching and unclenching his fists in an effort to stop his hands shaking. He couldn't stop seeing Jim's white, unconscious face as the two of them had beamed aboard, his body limp in Scotty's arms, McCoy screaming at him for letting this happen. As if he hadn't said it all to himself already.

He stood up, unable to keep sitting still. He'd been banned from the medical bay, although it had taken three security members to remove him from Jim's side and confine him to his quarters. He couldn't seem to calm his body down, despite his attempts at logical thinking. His breathing was difficult to control, the moment he thought he was able to breathe slowly and turned his attention to other things, he began to panic again.

It was his fault. He knew that, calmly and logically, somewhere in the depths of his mind. He had failed once again to keep his captain safe, this time despite it being his only duty, his only _reason_ for being by his side. He had allowed himself to get distracted by his emotions and Jim's purring voice and his muscles beneath his skin and those cerulean eyes burning through him and his hands and his arms and shoulders and _aaaaaaaaarrrrrgh._

Spock's fingers closed on the chair he was leaning against and he hurled it against the wall with an animalistic roar. It splintered on impact, dust and wood chips littering the floor as Spock stood breathing heavily. He could not save Jim. He was as helpless as he had been to save his mother but Jim, he had thought he could stay close. If he stayed close by then nothing could hurt him again, he could keep him safe. He gritted his teeth, spun around and began to pace. He could not be calm until he was sure that Jim was alive and alright. He had left instructions to be notified as soon as McCoy was free but it had been hours now and Spock could barely breathe for worry. He should never be parted from his captain for long, he could not stand to be away from him. His purpose was to be by Jim's side, he knew that now.

"Jim," he hissed out loud, trying to relieve some of the pressure built up in his chest. It didn't help. Instead his throat closed up and he felt like he was drowning in guilt and grief.

"Jim," he whispered again, bringing his hands up to his face. "I am in control of my emotions. I am in control." He took a deep breath and lowered his hands again.

"Interesting display, Mr Spock." Spock whirled around to see Bones standing in his quarters. He had been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he hadn't even noticed the doctor's arrival.

"McCoy. How is the captain?" Spock tried to keep his voice cool and detached but he could detect a note of urgency in his own speech, and he was sure McCoy would pick up on it too. McCoy raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on it.

"Jim's fine, he's sleeping." Spock's knees started to tremble and he grabbed a table to lean against so that he didn't collapse. "It's a good thing you got back when you did, he'd lost a lot of blood. But it was a relatively simple job to remove him from the spear in one piece, with some physiotherapy, he'll be as good as new. Spock, are you okay?" Spock had gone white, whiter than he was usually, and his hands were shaking with the effort of holding himself up.

"Quite well, thank you doctor," he said though his mouth was dry. "When will he be able to receive visitors?"

"Soon, I expect." Bones eyed Spock with concern, looking around him for the chair and finding only fragments. "What happened in here Spock?"

"Nothing of importance." Spock looked away pointedly.

"Look." McCoy paused and thought for a moment, running his tongue over his lips. "It wasn't your fault." Spock glanced up, then looked away again. "I know you were sent with him to protect him, but you were ambushed. You actually did well, considering the circumstances." Spock just stared at him, his jaw tightening like he was angry. Bones sighed and shook his head.

"I give up," he grumbled, throwing his hands in the air. "Do what you want Spock, I don't care. Green-blooded hobgoblin."


	4. Chapter 4

Jim lay staring up at the ceiling of the medical bay, counting his breaths along with the throbbing in his thigh. He'd turned down pain medication because it made him want to sleep and his mouth felt weird. Besides, he wanted to see Spock. He couldn't remember anything after the spear had pierced him, and no one would answer his mumbled queries. He lay still, slowly psyching himself up to what he was about to do.

"Jim, Spock's acting weird," Bones announced, entering the room. Jim groaned and thumped the bed with his fist.

"Dammit Bones, why are you always here?" He groaned, rolling onto his uninjured side.

"Never mind that," Bones growled, pulling up a chair to sit by Jim's bedside. "I think Spock's gone crazy. He almost admitted he had feelings just now."

"Really?" Jim blinked in surprise, raising his head to meet the doctors eyes.

"Well, not out loud," Bones shrugged. "But he destroyed a chair and then wouldn't talk to me about it and gave me the silent treatment when I tried to talk to him about you."

"Sounds like he's going through something," Jim murmured, letting his head rest again. He kept trying to get up but he was still exhausted; he could barely form a coherent sentence in his head. "I wonder what it is."

"If he'll tell anyone, it'd be you," Bones shrugged. "It started after you both beamed back from the planet after all." Jim gritted his teeth and strained against the bed, almost peeling each of his bones away from the mattress that enveloped him so invitingly.

"Good God man, what are you doing?" Bones jumped to his feet and started to manhandle Jim back into the bed, but Jim swatted his hands away, snapping something about Spock and being fine. Bones shouted back a vague statement about being the Chief Medical Officer and _goddammit Jim_ but even in his injured and sedated state, Jim could put up a hell of a fight. It was the voice of his first officer that eventually broke through the argument.

"Captain, I am glad to see you are well." Jim spun around, knocking Bones clear in his surprise. Spock stood awkwardly in the room, his lips twitching and his eyes smiling in his Vulcan way. "I apologise if I am interrupting. I merely wanted to be sure of your condition. I can return later if that would be more convenient."

"No Spock, stay." Jim let himself relax and smiled brightly at Spock. "I'm glad you're alright." A shadow flickered across Spock's face and Bones shot Jim a "See, I told you so" look.

"If that is what you wish, Captain." Spock lifted one arm awkwardly. "I have brought my chess set, if you are feeling well enough. I have enjoyed playing with you on previous occasions and thought you might appreciate the distraction while you are confined to bed-rest."

"That would be great," Jim sighed, stretching his arms up above his head.

"Not for long," Bones warned, glancing at Jim with concern. "He needs to rest, Spock."

"Of course." Spock inclined his head slightly. "Captain, would you prefer for me to come back later?"

"No, Spock, stay." Jim rested his head back against the pillow and fixed Spock with a tired smile. "Maybe I can't play chess right now but I'd like the company." Spock's ears burned green as he pulled up a chair to sit at Jim's bedside. Bones grunted something and wondered off to check in on his other patients.

"How is your leg, Captain?" Spock asked, his eyes flickering over Jim's lumpy form under the blanket.

"It's okay," Jim murmured, his lips barely parting to form the words. Spock watched him struggling with sleep, feeling quite fond of his irrational and illogical captain.

"Cap- Jim." Spock leaned down close to Jim's face so that he could lower his voice. "Sleep. You need to heal."

"No Spock," Jim whispered, shaking his head. "The pain meds… I have nightmares…" Spock frowned, his body stiffening.

"Nightmares? What of?" But Jim was asleep, his head lolling towards his shoulder, leaving Spock with a distinct sense of unease. He glanced towards the door, then shifted his chair closer to Jim's bedside. He was going to protect his captain, even against his own subconscious if he had to.

It didn't take long before Jim shifted in his sleep. Spock scanned him quickly, his pulse quickening. Jim let out a soft moan, his face setting into a frown.

"No," Jim murmured, still asleep. "Spock, you…" Spock stayed still, listening, unsure whether or not his intervention would be needed. Jim cried out suddenly, making Spock jump, arching his back against the bed so that the blanket fell away from him.

"No, Spock, no," Jim cried, his body shaking. Spock leapt into action, closing the space between them and clasping Jim's hand tightly between two of his own.

"Jim, wake up," he hissed, shaking Jim's shoulder. Jim woke with a start and stared at Spock, his eyes wide and full of fear.

"Spock," Jim whispered, his voice thick. "You're okay."

"I am fine, captain," Spock assured him. Jim reached out to touch Spock's face with a trembling hand, then remembered himself and drew it back.

"I-I'm sorry that you saw that," he mumbled, looking down at the floor.

"It is not a problem captain." Spock's face was tingling where Jim's fingers had nearly touched him. "I am glad that I was around to awaken you. Do you have these dreams often?" Jim's eyes narrowed slightly and Spock drew back.

"That's not really any of your business," Jim said coolly. Spock felt his own hackles rising, immediately irritated by Jim's change in demeanour, though he would never have admitted to that emotion.

"You are correct, it is not my business," he said through gritted teeth. "However, if these nightmares continue, it may begin to negatively affect your abilities as captain, and that would make them my business." Jim stared at Spock in shock.

"My abilities as-" Jim was rendered speechless, shaking his head mutely. Sometimes it seemed like he would never get a read on Spock. The Vulcan had seemed so warm and concerned when Jim had been woken, as he had on the planet surface, so much so that Jim had begun to feel like he could confide in him, like they could work on that friendship the other Spock had shown him. But this Spock seemed determined to see him as a professional, never as a friend. His leg hurt and his mouth felt furry and suddenly he was too tired and sick to deal with Spock's moods now.

"You know what Spock, why don't you get back to the bridge," Jim sighed, letting himself fall backwards again. "If you're so concerned with the abilities of the captain, you should get back there and do your job." He rolled over, turning his back on Spock.

"Jim, I-"

"Go, Spock. I'm tired." He could feel Spock looking at him for a few seconds, and he almost turned back around to apologise and try to make up. Maybe he'd been too defensive this time. But he heard the doors slide shut as Spock left the room. Jim closed his eyes and tried not to think about Spock's fluid movements, even when he was leaving the room in a huff.

Spock stood outside the door, grinding his teeth in an effort to keep a calm exterior. He should not have allowed himself to get irritated by Jim's defensiveness, he should be used to that. But he could not accept Jim pushing him away so blatantly. He decided to go for a walk around the Enterprise to work off some of his frustration before he sent his apologetic email to Jim, as he always did after a fight. He could not stand to not speak to Jim for too long.


End file.
